Let's get REAL for a second...

...(title from Metroman in the cartoon Megamind)

I have a confession to make. I love love. Not just friendship or brotherly type Christian love... romantic stuff. guy saves girl. girl loves guy. etc.

It seems like there are so many rules in our interactions with each other. We don't want to live in isolation, but we don't want to let people too close either. The longer I live, the more I realize how necessary the distance we keep seems to be. Without it, we are defenseless. And when we're defenseless, people hurt us.
But what if there's that ONE person...that ONE person with whom we can totally let our guard down. That one person who we can trust. Trust their motivations, trust their judgment, trust their words when they say them...and feel completely SAFE that they aren't going to stab us. Knowing that you would do anything for that person, and they likewise for you. It's that all-out, no-restrictions, give-it-your-best-shot kind of love that really energizes me. I don't just want to say 'I love you', and get a warm mushy feeling in doing so. I want to SHOW it. Not just like, 'I bought you these flowers', but in all aspects of life. In the hard times I want to be rock-solid and there to lean upon, pointing always to God as the source of comfort and sanctuary. And in good times I want to be spontaneous, showing her that she's not just 'any other person' to me, she's special. I don't do this for 'just anybody', this is for you. I want to show her things and take her places she always wanted to see but didn't. I want to be a man of God who can explore spiritual depths with her. I want to change her life and make it everything she ever hoped for.

So why don't I?

Well I guess I have a couple reasons. Number one, I cant say that I know who 'she' is. Or technically, if 'she' exists.
And number two, I worry that I can't live up to the expectations that I have of myself and that she may have of me. 'wanting' to do and be all these things and actually being able to are two totally different things. It would be a big leap of faith to try that kind of love. I'd want to know she was 'the one' before I tried to love her like that.
Til then... my guard is up.