foresight

Well, what can I say? I guess the difficult thing is I saw this day approaching. Even then when we were children somehow I knew. My life has always been on the doorstep of greatness, and something, maybe destiny, was calling. I could hear it even then.

 The last thing I wanted was to face it alone. But I look around to my left and my right and realize having lost you, I am truly alone. Alone without remedy, it would seem.

 What's the difference if it's right or wrong? The heart desires what it wants regardless. I'll be frank:

I wish you were still here. I wish I could confide in you all the secret things I don't dare say to anyone else. I wish I could tell you my fears and my hopes. I wish you were here, believing in me. For you I can cross mountains and oceans-- and did, one might even say. I know I could do it still, if only you were here. But you are not. I must face this alone.

 It is going to be difficult. Honestly I don't know if I can. I don't know where to begin, and I don't even know who to tell so they can set me straight. Not only is failure possible, it could be that disaster is imminent.

 But if somehow I do succeed against all odds, I hope that somewhere you are watching. I hope you notice. I hope you are proud of me.

 I miss you.

 So much.