Dearest...
(yes, I'm still calling you dearest)
I had an epiphany.
there is so much going on right now. I am forging ahead, making advancements, gaining ground in ways I'd only dreamed of in life.
In a moment of sentimental nostalgia I reminisced that I would no doubt trade all of this for one thing-- you. I would make that trade in a second.
And then it hit me...
the truth behind that very statement -- that I would trade everything for you-- may be the exact reason why i never had you to begin with. It may be that I have too much to do in life. Call it God, or fate, or destiny-- whatever you want to call it, the universe may have alotted me certain tasks that I most certainly would not fulfill nor even attempt if I had you.
the thought inspires a certain amount of awe. truth be told, it also inspires a certain amount of fear... I tremble to think of the magnitude of what I am attempting to undertake. I dare not think of it all at once-- I must break it down into more manageable, day=by=day pieces, just to keep myself from losing my nerve entirely.
So onward. Ahead I forge. I wish, and shall probably always wish, that you were by my side.
I'm glad you are happy. I do hope in your absence I will find some sort of companionship on the road ahead. And I hope at some level you are aware of this grand undertaking I've begun and are silently cheering for me. I wish you only happiness.
Wish me luck.
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