one thing that is hard to bear in mind is the simple fact that nobody ever mentioned on this particular blog to date (obviously not by name... nobody is addressed by name) ... none of those people, whether old flame, new fling, or somewhere in between... none of them is actually the pinnacle of my relationship Everest.
We must suppose that everyone of the opposite sex falls somewhere along the summit of this lofty, icy peak... a combination of desirable attributes, plus interpersonal compatibility with me personally, grants everyone a certain place here.
Needless to say, those who I have been closer too, more compatible with, or who happens to be in possession of far superior attributes... these fall nearer the peak, and may have an entire post (or posts) dedicated to them.
But there is one other. She has never had a blog about her for a very interesting reason:
I really, truly gave up. I actually let it die.
Generally if something actually effected me enough that I decided to write about it here, it's because some part of the hope, the memory, lies smoldering within and begs to be acknowledged, even if it's just by a stupid anonymous blog post.
Not this one. This one was different because I knew I had reached too high. I accepted that she was better than me, beyond me. Her motivation was purer, her deeds more kind, her reputation more impeccable... and among her admirers I knew I was far from the most desirable.
It can actually be said that even the most ardent of my subsequent loves, crushes, flings, and relationships have all been a direct result of the fact that I decided there was absolutely no way someone as impressive as her, with suitors so many and so much greater than me... I decided there was no way she could ever see herself with me.
In short, I concluded she was out of my league, and moved on.
So. Come to find out, maybe we aren't so different after all. It seems that with our powers combined, we could accomplish more of our mutual goals together than we ever could alone. And well... isnt that the foundation of a healthy relationship to begin with? The question is does she notice the similarities?
Well ok that's oversimplifying. Even if she did notice the similarities, there's still the whole "and she needs to be attracted to me" bit. And the whole "she is currently in a long-distance relationship" bit. And the whole "she is either going to break it off with that guy eventually, or move away for good" bit. So obviously there are really a lot of complicating factors.
But from what I can tell, my goals and hers are far more similar-- maybe identical, even. She does not share this other fellow's vision, and will go along with him out of loyalty or an altruistic sense of self-sacrifice. Not genuine one-ness of motivation.
Anyway. This whole scenario leaves me much to dwell upon. Do I...could I...should I 'raise the bar' and stop considering her so high above me? Should I attempt to pursue someone of her caliber? Should I attempt to scuttle or butt in now, while she's still in this other relationship? or would it be more wise to stand back and see if it will run its course, only making any other intentions known if she does in fact come back into the 'single' playing field.
Timing is everything. I need to know what to do, how to do it, and when. This poses a most difficult situation. Prayer necessary. My own, and hopefully those of people who support me. and her.
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