Never let it be said that I ever did things to look out for number one. There is much I could have done that I did not, punches I pulled. Sometimes in the name of sportsmanship, or chivalry, or honor, or righteousness, or duty. I have omitted many justifiable actions, and committed many altruistic ones, in servitude to these values. I have always believed that God defends the just. We don't need to worry about clawing our way to the top. We put our shoulders to the wheel and let God sort out who gets the credit, that's what I've always said and how I've always tried to live. This, to me, is the truest picture of what 'living by faith' looks like.
But what can I say now? There is only emptiness. God, it seems, looked out for me not at all. I never wanted to arrive at this place--broken, alone, dejected. My desires are spat upon by heaven itself. Everything I work towards comes to ruin.
Those who walked, not by self-sacrifice, but in self-fulfillment--they have triumphed over me. Daily I watch them stroll away with the positions, people, and things I myself wanted, but did not sieze. What lesson can be learned from this? How can the sum of life be only "look out for number one"?
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