Take a step back and look around. where am i? well i'm in the dregs of defeat. so far i have either failed or quit every single thing i've attempted in life. i've learned things. but a fat lot of good that's going to do me if something doesn't change.
i need to reboot, recharge, recover. when a computer shuts down, it comes back up free of the clutter that was slowing it down before. it's no secret that I've been in the doldrums for 3 years, intentionally pursuing nothing of great import. am i going to seize upon this down time as an opportunity to strip away clutter and actually do something i'm passionate about?
a wise man once said 'you cant duck forever'.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
on second thought
well maybe i misread this whole thing. maybe i'm in a bad habit of interpreting every obstacle now as a 'get ye hence' instead of 'put forth ye effort'.
can you blame me though? a person who doesn't learn from experience is just dumb, in my opinion. so i'd love to believe that past experience is all a fluke and that next time, with maximum effort, things will all just fall into place.
but, that just seems silly to me. i lean a lot upon my own understanding of past experiences and i suppose that is a bad thing.
so, what the heck. let's give this a shot. for now, Giant Despair, i banish thee. hopefully forever. but haha. we'll see.
can you blame me though? a person who doesn't learn from experience is just dumb, in my opinion. so i'd love to believe that past experience is all a fluke and that next time, with maximum effort, things will all just fall into place.
but, that just seems silly to me. i lean a lot upon my own understanding of past experiences and i suppose that is a bad thing.
so, what the heck. let's give this a shot. for now, Giant Despair, i banish thee. hopefully forever. but haha. we'll see.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Did I do the right thing, friend? Did I do the right thing, mentor? Did I do the right thing, Dad?
DID I DO THE RIGHT THING, GOD???
Why.
I take the high road. I do the 'decent thing'. I forego the pursuit of what I want. I sacrifice my desires for higher ideals like friendship and brotherhood. I sacrifice my time. I OFFERED MY LIFE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED.
"As ye sow, ye also shall reap."
I know in my life I have sown plenty of bad. Does it count if I had good intentions? DOES IT EVEN MATTER THAT I TRIED?
I want, I need some kind of confirmation that at least, in the end, I was right. I did right. I acted rightly. That there is a greater purpose and this is not all for nothing.
I know that God is God and He owes me nothing. But He owes all of us nothing. Some people get answers. Some people get understanding. Years pass, but sometimes there is that 'aha!' moment where people understand what it all meant.
I'm not saying I'm owed it, but I am saying I need it. I scarcely know how to go on without it.
DID I DO THE RIGHT THING, GOD???
Why.
I take the high road. I do the 'decent thing'. I forego the pursuit of what I want. I sacrifice my desires for higher ideals like friendship and brotherhood. I sacrifice my time. I OFFERED MY LIFE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED.
"As ye sow, ye also shall reap."
I know in my life I have sown plenty of bad. Does it count if I had good intentions? DOES IT EVEN MATTER THAT I TRIED?
I want, I need some kind of confirmation that at least, in the end, I was right. I did right. I acted rightly. That there is a greater purpose and this is not all for nothing.
I know that God is God and He owes me nothing. But He owes all of us nothing. Some people get answers. Some people get understanding. Years pass, but sometimes there is that 'aha!' moment where people understand what it all meant.
I'm not saying I'm owed it, but I am saying I need it. I scarcely know how to go on without it.
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