Well the verdict is in. 6 years after the fact everything hurts. Life without her in it doesnt seem to have a point. It's just one dreary day after the other with pseudo friends who betray and disappoint the moment it is convenient. God may not be to blame, but he sure hasnt been any help, either. It seems there is truly nothing left for me here, after all. Who knew this was the destination i would arrive at when i embarked on this journey by enlisting 11 years ago?
I have only one recourse left, and that is to leave. I've got to get out of here. All my opportunities have dried up. Even if there's never going to be another one like her, i must find a place where i can thrive. I need some sort of fulfillment in my day, not the emptiness, loneliness, and lack of purpose that have been the hallmark of my return to civilian life. There are those who tolerate me, but i am not essential. Circles and processes that were complete without me will go on like i was never here. I am packing up. Time to find the place where i belong.
