I'm thinking of her again tonight. I hope she's OK. I once had a sixth sense about when something was going wrong for her, even at great distance. This feels similar to that. Maybe something terrible has happened, or maybe I just miss her. Who really knows? I do know she is close to my heart during times of change or big decisions, maybe because I always thought she'd be with me for all them. Maybe that's why my thoughts are with her tonight... I can't say for sure.
 Really I think maybe her absence affects me so because it is anathema to who I am at the core. I am so infuriatingly loyal, the thought of splitting away from someone I'm close to doesn't enter my mind as a potential option. Maybe that's why even after all this time I can't understand or forget